What if? Oh the possibilites

A friend posed some questions to me that made me think and I had to answer them of the top of my head.
My answers could be as short or as long as I felt was right. The only thing was they had to be off the top of my head,with minimal thinking.

So without further adieu here is what I came up with.

1 What would you do if you saw your ex husband again after all these years?

I only plan to see him at his funeral so I'll be the one in the bright red dress doing a little jig and smiling a lot.But what would I do? I'd make sure he was really in the box and that they nailed that fucker shut real tight. I might even slap him to make sure he's not faking.

2 What would you be doing right now if you didn't have kids?

I'd be racking up one hell of a credit card debt traveling the world and behaving badly as I'd have no one I needed to set a good example for.

3 What do you want to be when you grow up?

Patsy from Ab Fab I could totally handle being her. living the high life of young men and liquor. No actually I don't handle hangovers as well as I used to so maybe a relatively sober version. I will speak my mind and not give a shit who thinks what about it. Oh and I plan to out live my ex husband just because I need to see him buried.

4 Do you have any regrets in life?

Showing that one guy I could get my feet behind my ears,I'm still trying to get rid of him. Seriously no, I can't even regret marrying Boris if that disaster never happened I wouldn't have my 3 beautiful kids.


5 Your most embarrassing moment?

Eating a beetroot sandwich with my best friend while watching a Mr Bean episode,when said friend made me laugh so hard I vomited all over her floor. I still can't watch Mr Bean and not cringe with shame.That was a purple pukey mess. I don't have any others I can remember because I was to fall down drunk,people will tell you things I should be ashamed of, but I don't believe it unless they come bearing photographic evidence.

6 How's it been being single for so long?

To be honest I miss regular sex,it was the only thing Boris was any good at. All the ones since pale in comparison,I don't like the old adage " Bad sex is better than no sex at all",ever laid there wondered why the hell does this guy think he's so gifted? when counting sheep was far more entertaining, I have.on the plus side there is no one to ask me what I'm doing,where I'm going or "can you iron this shirt for me?"


7 Do you ever see yourself in a long term relationship again?

Yes if Mr Right comes along I'm more than willing to give it a go, I might even re marry one day, stranger things have happened. Sadly though I can't see this happening anytime in the near future.

8 Younger men, would you do the cougar thing?

No, of course I look and wish I was 15 years younger, they just didn't make them like that when I was young and carefree. I just couldn't do it and I want to be the one with the big strong man looking after me as I've never tried that before and it looks like fun. I don't want to have to act like a baby sitter. So no I'm not cougar material.

9 If you could say anything to any two people without any backlash what would it be?

Even if there was fallout I'd tell my ex husband what a son of a bitch he was ,not for what he did to me,I'm passed that,but for the fact he walked out of the lives of 3 children that are growing up without him. He left them with no contact, emotional or financial support. I would also point out the fact that he has tried to replace them with a passel of brats but guess what asshat there is no replacing perfection.Then just for good measure I'd probably kick him in the balls to make myself feel a bit better. Anyway as I said before I'll see him at the funeral.
As for person number 2 I'd tell her to pull her head out of her ass. Take a look around at the world so she can see whats she's missing by being a self righteous bitch all the time. Life is passing her miserable ass by and she needs a wake up call before she turns into one miserable old lady who is very lonely. I'd make it clear that she has to stop walking over people and that sometimes it doesn't hurt to say a kind word or two instead of running everyone into the ground.


10 Your perfect man?

Perfect doesn't exist so lets say one I could love and learn to live with. He would have to love the outdoors,music and travel. Honesty is everything in my world so he'd have to be that too. Taller than me would be a bonus along with handsome.For once some one to look after me would be nice as I said so he's have to be willing to take up that challenge too.Oh and have a great smile.


11 Your worst trait?

I'm lazy,if there is something I don't want to do I'll put it off or try to find some one else to do it, as long as possible,but if it really must be done I'll do it, I'll just take my sweet time getting to it.