Memory Lane

I've been reminded a lot of my childhood this week and I'm glad to think that 99% of it was great.
I had parents who wanted to spend time with me. I got that pony I wanted,I had holidays at the beach,I was taught weird facts that will stay in my head forever no matter how useless they may be.
My Dad gave me a love of music whether he knows it or not. My Mum taught me to love unconditionally.

I was reminded of all of this by something as simple as seeing my son and my father dragging out my old water skis out of the shed. I out grew them over 20yrs ago but now my Dad plans to teach my kids to ski just as he taught me and my sisters. I'm just hoping for his sake that it doesn't take my kids as long to learn as it took me. I haven't told them that they will ache the next day and feel like dying but they will be out there again the next day doing it all over again.

I think after all of Dad's hard work I'm the only one that still loves to ski,but I'm hoping this guys will still enjoy it long after I'm gone. I'm thankful my Dad is there for them no matter what they need.

Well thats my stroll down memory lane done as it's 1am here in rainy Australia.Hope the weather clears up nothing worse than skiing in a down pour :)  Must be Christmas that makes me all sentimental.

For my kids in the future.

To my darling kids,


I've been inspired to leave you this message for the future to see if you'll find it when doing a family tree or are bored out of your minds at work one day and think "Hey I'll Google Mum"

I will be confessing a lot of stuff here you may or may not want to know so if you've found this and are wondering about the mysteries in life keep reading,if you don't want enlightenment on how you grew up to be what you are today...run like hell NOW!

Ok you know how Parlan would never wear shoes in the car and it was always a battle until I told him if I had to hit the brakes hard all the blood will rush to his feet and his feet would explode.Lies all lies people but hey now he wears shoes and I'm hoping his wife will thank me for this.
Danyelle who used too empty a hair conditioner bottle in under a week,yes I lied to you as well you never had a bald spot appearing or a receding hair  line,I just got sick of paying for conditioner in bulk.

Teegan you know how I promised I'd never tell anyone about that petrified donut we found under your bed that day when you were seven.Well sorry honey but that story has given many adults the giggles,hell it should never have been there in the first place.I can see you reading this and rolling your eyes and thinking "Damn Mum your such a bitch"It's ok because I think damn Teegan your such a bitch at least once a day.

Mummy loves you all very much but I had to find small ways of entertaining myself when it came to spending so much time with you guys,I bet you bullshit your own kids all the time.

You've all been high maintenance since you've arrived in this world,I'm sitting here wondering what you will all be like in your 20's and feeling sorry for your partners,and vowing I will be nice to them all to make up for the fact they are having to put up with you.
Ok maybe I'll finish my confession another day it's emotional work and I'm starting to feel like a bad parent now that it's all in writing but remember you never missed out on anything except for maybe a pony and Teegan if you wanted a pony so damn much now that your an adult and working go and buy that fuckin' pony.
You are and were all very loved even when you were pissing me off and I wanted to run away from home I still loved you with all my heart.Yes Teegan I am writing this while I'm in the family tree stage that you are hating so much but that you will never have to do for your children because I have already done all the hard work.

I hope this has given you a little insight to your inner child
Love Mum

PS Wait until I confess about the guinea pig and the DC shoes :)

The Boss is lazy so it's Zoom time

Hi I'm Zoom the Cat and tonight I will be writing this blog, while my lazy boss lays on the couch watching bad TV. She owes my little furry butt not only am I writing this but she has exposed me to a dog ten times my size who chases me and barks abuse at me every time I put my foot out the front door.He's a dumb ass who hasn't realized he's at the bottom of the pack yet. Give me time to slap him around and he will get the message.

Anyway I'm here slaving over this keyboard while the boss is stretched out on the lounge in my favorite spot.While I've been using the internet I've found some really great websites and just cos I'm in a great mood after a big feed of fish and the kids are in bed and not here trying to love me to death I'll share my sites with you guys.
http://www.shitmypetsruined.com/  I envy the cat who has a pool table to sit on while he licks his butt,might ask the Boss for one for Christmas.
icanhascheezburger.com  For you poor peoples that are trying to work us kitties out.
I'm done this is tough work on the paws not to mention I've had to stand on my to back feet for the last 20 minutes reaching up to the keyboard.The Boss is off to bed and I'm going with her to steal the blankets and warmth.

Thank you peoples and remember be kind to your Kitty and as you walk past a BarknBite kick it :)

Springtime

Spring is here again the bee's are out collecting ,the tree frog population has exploded and a few mozzie's are out to get an early start on the blood sucking.I've had to stop the car an poke dragon lizards with a stick to get them out of my driveway.
Cane toads are making an appearance and  it's rained ....a lot.So much so that our local dam is full for a change and looked beautiful when I went up to look at it.Everything is green and foals are prancing about in paddocks.Everywhere I look there is new life and regeneration.

Though I still feel like a bear that's been woken up early from hibernation. Spring arrived and I got sent to be poked with needles which I hate,not just the sharp prick or the blood draining but the fasting and the lectures that accompany the whole show. I'm not sure they even know what they are looking for, this all started because I said I could sleep 24hrs a day and be happy.Grrr me and my big mouth.

Sitting here and wondering why I have The David Letterman Show on the television.....Oh that's right I can't be bothered  to stand up and reach for the remote. I think this must be a sign that I must go and crawl into bed. Tomorrow I may or may not edit this blog when I'm more in the frame of mind to write.

Elephant Sex

I have a friend who suggested I write about elephant sex, but how much can you write about large grey smelly animals having sex?

Elephant sex appears in the Karma Sutra described as, "When your mistress lays breasts, arms and forehead to the carpet, raising her buttocks high, and you guide your penis into her yoni, it is Aibha (the Elephant)"

I have also heard the term used when a guy picks up the largest,saggy female in the bar and takes her home only to wake up next to his conquest in the morning with no escape route.So with a killer hangover and a violent need for escape he gives her his phone number and shoves her out the door.Only to be the victim of hang up phone calls and the fact she knows of every woman he even glances at for the next 6 months.Oh the joys of elephant sex found after far to many drinks.

How can you tell elephants have been having sex in your garage? All of your hefty bags are missing.

In 2003 an Elephant logo was rejected for the Bangkok World AIDS conference because the elephant wasn't wearing a condom.What were they thinking leaving that poor elephant unprotected.

Every nation had to write a book about the Elephant, these were the results:

The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant
or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant
The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and
culture
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went
With His Elephants
The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.
The Australian book - Elephant? What bloody Elephant?

Ok I'm out of ideas want more information on elephant sex you can grab your binoculars and head to your local retirement villas or simply Google the term and be scared stupid by what appears on Youtube or read horror stories of trying to explain what the the children saw at the zoo.

I'm addicted to an E Book

I've found a book that is being written live, great story but the only draw back is I have to wait until the author completes a chapter to read it. At the moment I'm patiently waiting for Chapter 19 to be posted and it's been a long wait,well a few days actually but it feels like an eternity.
Brooke Leben the author of this book is telling his story, a story of love that has a lot of complications- like he lives in Brisbane Australia and the object of his affections lives in Indonesia so they are dealing with distance and cultural differences along with the fact Brooke has to deal with his own inner turmoil.

It's pretty gripping stuff,I'm surprised. I've read free e-books before and found them far from attention holding.This book has even gotten me to message the author telling him what a great piece of work I think it is.
At times i was to grab Brooke and shake him but at other times I totally understand his actions.
Heaart is a great read that actually makes you feel like you know the characters personally.
http://www.brookeleben.com/

But be warned because as I said it's an addictive read but you will find yourself growing impatient for the next chapter to be written and released.

Is it real?

I'm sitting here watching Letters to Juliet and suddenly it hits me, "Does true love really exist?"
I always hoped that it might but is it a figment of an over active imagination or a legend that's been past down through the ages to give people hope?

If you see it portrayed in the movies or in books it's always means going to the ends the earth to be with that someone that is perfect for them. So far I can't even find someone willing to go to the end of the street for me. Some people spend their whole lives searching for The One, others are willing to settle for something that's not quiet love, more of an affection or a willingness to put up with anything not to grow old alone.

Is love only hormones or is it something deeper, a connection with a soul mate maybe?I know Romeo and Juliet didn't end on a happy note or did Cleopatra and Marc Antony but still they all ended up together in the end.

Sacrifices have been made for love throughout history Prince Edward gave up the throne to be with Wallis Simpson and the game designer Brian Wood  gave his life to save his wife and unborn child.
Love truly seems to have no barriers, it is something that has united the human race throughout the ages.

Even Scarlett O'Hara never gave up hoping Rhett may love her again after her fickle nature drove him to the point of no return.Sometimes we don't realize what we have until it's gone.
I am always driven to believe in love when I watch or read Nicholas Spark's The Notebook where Noah sits and reads to his elderly wife who suffers from Alzheimer's , the faded notebook he reads from is the story of their lives together. Noah reads to Allie everyday although she does not know him anymore until she has a good day and remembers him before retreating back into herself. This for me is an undying love.


I know it is said for everyone there is a someone but what happens if we don't find our other half do we settle for less or die looking. All the broken hearts of today make we wonder if technology is making it harder not easier to find The One.

It seems to be a never ending search that human beings are compelled to go on what happens if we thing we have found our someone but then meet The One , the one we know that was always meant to be.What do we do?

Following the Heart

I've found my heart wandering off on it's own over the sea to someone I've never met.
It sent itself off to someone I've spoken too, told secrets too and want to see the world with.  My brain says " Stop being silly you can't conquer the ocean" my heart said"Well damn I'm leaving even if you won't come too" and set off on it's own adventure.

Yes I know sounds ridiculous I've tried making it come home but like a wayward child having a tantrum, it refuses to return.

I'm sure my heart has visited a lot of places the rest of me wants to see,been there when it's needed and broken with whoever it's decided to hang out with at times.I think it's sung and flown over deserts and oceans,been led high up into the mountains,danced on beaches ,seen insides of bars.

I have a plan though within the next two years  I will jump on a plane and head off to find my heart and experience a few more adventures. If I don't do it with in 24 months from today I probably never will and shall remain a Heartless, you know like on Kingdom of Hearts.

So as of today all extra cash will head into the find a heart travel fund.

Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
Yeah I hear you in my dreams
I hear your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard...................

Is Elvis Presley still with us?

I have been an Elvis fan for as long as I can remember.
I have always thought that he died when I was two years old and have held that belief up until recently.
I'm not sure what made me question Elvis's death because I've always heard the rumors that he had faked his death with help from the family.I accepted these rumors as just peoples wishful thinking.

Over the last month though I have been asking myself a lot of questions


Why did Vernon tell a man Elvis was upstairs when clearly his body was on view in Graceland with mourners passing by?


Why were long time employees and friends cut off just before his death?

Why did Elvis say to his stepbrother Rick "Know what Rick? I may not look good for my television special tonight,but I'll look good in my coffin"?


Who is the old guy they wheeled into Graceland last month and when a tourist caught it on camera she was politely escorted from the grounds?

If the Presley family want the media to leave this alone why can they not just exhume the body and be done with it or maybe release a photo of the man on the slab?

What about the photo that was taken months after Elvis's death that Kodak deemed to be true and not tampered with?






These questions have been bugging me for a while now and I just can't seem to shake them.
I guess if I was famous and over the industry and being kept prisoner in my own home I'd probably work out a way of escaping too.
To me the fact that there were a lot of personal items missing from the deceased's inventory  makes me wonder.If I was leaving my home I'd take my favorite things with me too. I'm just trying to put myself in Elvis's place.

I guess the insurance was never collected because if he is alive and wants to resurface one day no one wants to to be facing fraud charges.
I turned the place upside down and have searched for a copy of Orion for years and finally I found one, I fail to understand why this book was removed from sale as it was a good fictional story about a superstar that faked his death.While other fictional books that seem even more inspired by the Elvis phenomenon but do not mention a fake death scene are so easy to access.
 All sounds a little bit sus to me...............

The rumors abound and I'm starting to think where there is smoke there maybe fire.Yes call me insane but maybe just maybe Elvis faked his death and you know what if he did I'll applaud him because leaving a life that was so large that the whole world knew your face would take a hell of a lot of hard work and a lot of changes in life.

All the hints like the photo maybe just his way of enticing us to ask questions as Elvis himself was a seeker of answers.At the moment his death seems to be shrouded by smoke and mirrors but I guess it helps keep the image alive and the cash rolling in.
My personal opinion is dead or not that was not Elvis in the box.

I'll admit Priscilla has did a kick ass job of making the money expand,but hey if she was still supporting Elvis after his death she would of had to that guy spent money on others like it was water.


OK I've voiced all the strange things running through my mind and if Elvis died on the crapper so be it, but if he went off to live his life the way he wanted to even better and I hope the guy is/was happy whatever the the truth is.

Elvis but if you are alive and still talk to Priscilla I hope to hell you've told that woman to lay off the plastic surgeons it's gone beyond a joke ,she used to be hot and now she's just not.Oh and put on your big boy pants and tell the world your alive even though at your age you may have one foot in the grave,you don't have to say where you are just make a youtube clip and go viral easy as that.

Here's some cool links for any fans
http://www.elvis.com/graceland/vtour/gracecam.asp
http://www.linkydinky.com/graceland/

OK OK I'm really getting off my soapbox now...................