The Boss is lazy so it's Zoom time

Hi I'm Zoom the Cat and tonight I will be writing this blog, while my lazy boss lays on the couch watching bad TV. She owes my little furry butt not only am I writing this but she has exposed me to a dog ten times my size who chases me and barks abuse at me every time I put my foot out the front door.He's a dumb ass who hasn't realized he's at the bottom of the pack yet. Give me time to slap him around and he will get the message.

Anyway I'm here slaving over this keyboard while the boss is stretched out on the lounge in my favorite spot.While I've been using the internet I've found some really great websites and just cos I'm in a great mood after a big feed of fish and the kids are in bed and not here trying to love me to death I'll share my sites with you guys.
http://www.shitmypetsruined.com/  I envy the cat who has a pool table to sit on while he licks his butt,might ask the Boss for one for Christmas.
icanhascheezburger.com  For you poor peoples that are trying to work us kitties out.
I'm done this is tough work on the paws not to mention I've had to stand on my to back feet for the last 20 minutes reaching up to the keyboard.The Boss is off to bed and I'm going with her to steal the blankets and warmth.

Thank you peoples and remember be kind to your Kitty and as you walk past a BarknBite kick it :)

Springtime

Spring is here again the bee's are out collecting ,the tree frog population has exploded and a few mozzie's are out to get an early start on the blood sucking.I've had to stop the car an poke dragon lizards with a stick to get them out of my driveway.
Cane toads are making an appearance and  it's rained ....a lot.So much so that our local dam is full for a change and looked beautiful when I went up to look at it.Everything is green and foals are prancing about in paddocks.Everywhere I look there is new life and regeneration.

Though I still feel like a bear that's been woken up early from hibernation. Spring arrived and I got sent to be poked with needles which I hate,not just the sharp prick or the blood draining but the fasting and the lectures that accompany the whole show. I'm not sure they even know what they are looking for, this all started because I said I could sleep 24hrs a day and be happy.Grrr me and my big mouth.

Sitting here and wondering why I have The David Letterman Show on the television.....Oh that's right I can't be bothered  to stand up and reach for the remote. I think this must be a sign that I must go and crawl into bed. Tomorrow I may or may not edit this blog when I'm more in the frame of mind to write.

Elephant Sex

I have a friend who suggested I write about elephant sex, but how much can you write about large grey smelly animals having sex?

Elephant sex appears in the Karma Sutra described as, "When your mistress lays breasts, arms and forehead to the carpet, raising her buttocks high, and you guide your penis into her yoni, it is Aibha (the Elephant)"

I have also heard the term used when a guy picks up the largest,saggy female in the bar and takes her home only to wake up next to his conquest in the morning with no escape route.So with a killer hangover and a violent need for escape he gives her his phone number and shoves her out the door.Only to be the victim of hang up phone calls and the fact she knows of every woman he even glances at for the next 6 months.Oh the joys of elephant sex found after far to many drinks.

How can you tell elephants have been having sex in your garage? All of your hefty bags are missing.

In 2003 an Elephant logo was rejected for the Bangkok World AIDS conference because the elephant wasn't wearing a condom.What were they thinking leaving that poor elephant unprotected.

Every nation had to write a book about the Elephant, these were the results:

The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant
or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant
The English book - Elephants I have shot on Safari
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and
culture
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went
With His Elephants
The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book - How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.
The Australian book - Elephant? What bloody Elephant?

Ok I'm out of ideas want more information on elephant sex you can grab your binoculars and head to your local retirement villas or simply Google the term and be scared stupid by what appears on Youtube or read horror stories of trying to explain what the the children saw at the zoo.